I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
