dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
