Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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