if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
They took my balls.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
