I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
meet me or not, i'm out of control
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Randomize
