I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
