Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
Randomize
