Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
