fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
