If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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