Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
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