after a month anything with tits is on the radar
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
