Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
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