dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
