It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Randomize
