maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
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