i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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