This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Randomize
