I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
after we fucked i left the room and when i came back he was patting his dick whispering "prouda you lil guy...prouda you"
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize