So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
Randomize
