If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
