I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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