you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
