I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Randomize
