Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
Girl we've come a long way since our first Brazilian wax
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Randomize