What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I've really become a household name at this fraternity. Mother would be so proud.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
