either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize
