Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
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