i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
hell yes lets make some ravioli
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
