I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
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