my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
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