she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
