Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
