a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Randomize
