Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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