WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Randomize
