I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
