So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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