I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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