Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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