so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Randomize
