a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
