Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
