only if we run a train.
done.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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