no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Did you pee in the oven last night??
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Randomize
