If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Then he rubbed shampoo all over my arm and shouted, "Garnier FUCK THIS."
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
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