Dude my mom stole all your condoms
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize