also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
Randomize
