Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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