Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Randomize