Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
