just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Sometimes I get confused on who I really actually know and who's lives I just know everything about via internet. Its a fine line
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
