Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
