I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
