Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Randomize
