I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
I have learned that if you don't want to hook up with the guy who walked you home, food is great compensation.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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