So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
Randomize
