you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
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