Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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