apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
