Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
