Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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