May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
