i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize