If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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