Dude my mom stole all your condoms
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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