So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
