U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
