I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
Randomize