Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
