I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Randomize
