how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Randomize
