I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Randomize
