My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
