Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
