Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
