She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
