Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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