I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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