We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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