Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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