my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
The movie was so bad she gave me two blowjobs. Two.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
